oker, a load of wank really!

Poker, get all the tips here!

My two days spent playing internet poker

Poker chips how to play poker

Chips, lovely chips

After watching Ronnie O Sullivan throw away one of the easiest snooker world championships ever to win, and with it some of the money I had bet on him (got him at evens with what I thought was a decent bet), I got so peed off that I said I will try online Poker, again. I tried it years ago when I had lots of free early morning time working evening shifts. I was never a great player but I did win the odd hundred here and there and was a few tables off a televised event.

Real life poker I have tried before much with the same results, not much wins, not a whole lot of losses. I tend to get kicked out of live poker as I am usually sloshed from all the free beer, and eventually always thrown out the front door!

To be honest I find Poker extremely boring, and in my opinion it isn’t even the best card game.

The card game 25, from Ireland, is a really good game, and Auction 15, a derivative of it, is my favourite game where one player can bid against a pack of players for cards.

Rules for 25> http://www.britannica.com/EBchecked/topic/1232991/twenty-five

Anyway here is some of my observations and tips! Please don’t take it too seriously!

Avatar. I know it sounds silly but I always go for the avatar of a young woman. You would be amazed how it throws people off. The majority of poker players are men, and they do have this idea that woman can’t play the game, which is of course nonsense. But you would be surprised at how men get aggressive towards a female avatar, it’s funny actually. Sad bastards.

four aces how to play poker

An ace hand

I always start with the very small pot games, less than a dollar or so, and always with sit and go’s. Small pots as it takes time to get warmed up. I think poker, like any other game, is a game you need to practice for a while to get going. If you go straight for the deep end with not much game time you will be eaten by the sharks pretty quickly. The more you play the better you will get. Even if you are not winning you are getting good game time and developing your game. Remember many top class poker players train online before real live tournaments, solely for the purpose of practice. It’s all about the practice.

Even with these small pot games, you would be amazed at how seriously people take them. People would fight for a long time to win 10 cents.  And then the opposite not play for less than 10 cents. I always call at the start of a hand for anything less than 50 cents. Why the feck wouldn’t you? It’s such a small stake, that it’s worth the gamble to see some of the flop and its good game time.

It’s always tempting to go in when you think you should win. It doesn’t work like that. Nearly getting a run, but one out is still out. Wanting to win doesn’t mean you will win. So patience is required, bite the lip, and hit the competitors when you do get a good hand, a definite hand. Bide your time you will get that good hand soon! I am no good at bluffing with nothing. I nearly always go with at least something in my hand. Fair dues to real poker players that can bluff, that’s a skill I can’t do.

two aces poker how to play poker


Know when to give up a hand, even if invested a lot. That’s gambling in general, the test to see if you can walk away from a loss. That’s where people get into trouble in gambling, chasing losses. I used to have a rule for the horses, if I couldn’t get a winner in three consecutive races, then out the door. Take a deep breath, remember there will be other days! Sometimes you can also be just plain unlucky, don’t kill yourself over it. You can have two sweet ace’s in your hand but if the other fella has three 2’s or whatever then so be it!

I also love going overtly aggressive if I have twice as much money left as any others at the table. I raise everything even if I have garbage. Even if you lose the odd hand you will shake it up, sometimes it gets the other players into a panic, keeps the game going, and get players pots reduced (even if you lose).  Also you won’t be beaten by a bad hand, most players would rather hold onto their crappy pot if they have a useless hand. Drives me mad seeing someone sitting on a big pot fiddling their thumbs. I mean I don’t want to be all day playing online poker, hurry it up a bit!

Sometimes players bet exactly a hundred as a raise, or sometimes something weird like 32.45. Jesus don’t make it that obvious you have something! You might as well tell the other player you have a good hand! Only a matter of time when you catch these players out.

As for going for a double in a crowded table if required. I always go for it if I have at least a Jack or more. Of course in a two player game I’d nearly go in with anything half decent, within reason, ha!

Another obvious one is someone who bets big on fecking everything (the Chinese poker player?), they usually have rubbish, and are usually gone fairly lively from a game. In my local casino it’s always the Chinese that do this, in fact in any sports (horse/dogs) they always go for the favourite, maybe it’s because they haven’t good English.  People hate playing this kind of player, as they are not really playing the game, or in fact gambling, but they don’t usually last. Get a decent hand, catch them out, and they are gone. Simples.

Waiting on the last card, don’t bother it won’t happen. Think of the numbers, what are the chances of you having that run with the very last card? Exactly!

So playing for two days constant not winning not losing. I had a nice run of 6 games unbeaten, but lost a few while distracted on the net, then I got bored, went over to the 21 table and lost all my money pretty quickly. Fuck that for a load of old wank, dodgy!

poker how to play the game, badly


So what does all this show? Internet poker is fecking boring, and if you want to win you need to be on the virtual tables’ hour upon hour. I sincerely doubt many make a living from internet poker. I have heard a few fellas say they do but I don’t believe them. Gamblers always boast, will always hear about their wins, never their losses. Have you seen some of the guys on TV that rose from internet gambling? They invariably look geeky and sad, do they in all sincerity look like guys you could not have a pint and a chat with? Granted they might be rich bastards but….. no!

In fact this says as much>


Nah, poker is a good game but the amount of hype that surrounds it is funny. It’s skillful but like any gambling game it’s also about luck. I am amazed at how there are so many webpages with insider tips and all. Feck off, it’s just like anything else, you get what you put in. If you want to sit on an internet poker table hours every day for the next few months I am sure you will do well, but could you be bothered?

Anyway will, Football is my thing. Regards till then as I bin my poker face.

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Beer drinker and all round annoyance. Likes drinking, football, cricket and having a good time.

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3 thoughts on “Poker, get all the tips here!

  1. John McLeod

    You mention that the game Auction 15 is your favourite. I would like to know more about how this game is played. Can you help me with this? Thanks in advance.


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