The perfect bar man?

The perfect bar man (or woman)?

The perfect bar man (or woman)?

The perfect bar man?

Not the perfect bar man!

As a patron of many bars, the bar man (or woman) is quite an important person in the pursuit of getting drunk. So what do we look for in the attributes of a good bar person?

They should be fast enough in getting you your drink, I mean you don’t want to be waiting a long time for a drink, especially a first drink.

Personality doesn’t really matter, as long as the person isn’t a complete cunt. Doesn’t even have to say a whole lot. Actually the best bar staff are the ones who say very little and hover around the bar. You are the one who is drinking, so you are the one who is doing the talking, and you can never hear what they are saying in any case. As long as the bar man is friendly, has some basic chit chat about football, the weather, how all politicians are wankers, and the weather, that’s really all you need to hear from him.

How they look isn’t really important. Sometimes the  towel over the shoulder look is cool, but no one really cares as long as the drink is pouring on time and regular.

Good bar staff are the ones who don’t shuttle you out the door once closing time is up. They should give you time to finish your drink. I hate when some get snotty about it. Fuck off, no one is forcing you to work as bar staff, so shut the hell up. The best bar staff are the ones who lock the door and let you continue long into the night. They are far and few between but I have met them!

Having a good memory is good. Nothing better than walking into a bar and giving him the special code, already pouring your regular drink, “the usual”, while you take your seat. That’s a skill from a top barman, and a special, almost loving, relationship that takes a while to develop.


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Beer drinker and all round annoyance. Likes drinking, football, cricket and having a good time.

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